Dozy Writes

Over the last few years I have been trying to improve my body image after spending the majority of my life struggling with it. 

This discomfort with our bodies is something that affects pretty much all of us, especially given the emphasis placed on physical perfection in the modern world. 

In the past, when I’ve thought about improving my body image I have focused on losing weight or toning my muscles but even when I managed to do that, I would still find myself feeling unhappy when I looked in the mirror or saw myself in photos.

A couple of years ago, I finally realised that I need to learn to love my body in whatever state it is, rather than wait until it might be formed in line with the current cultural idea of physical perfection.

Let’s be honest, the idea of what makes a body attractive is a social construct which varies widely between cultures. That being the case, I don’t need to follow the cultural trend, I can choose to love myself regardless.

But how on earth do you get comfortable with your own body when you are bombarded with images of seemingly perfect bodies?

Ditch the celebrity magazines

The first thing I did was to stop buying and reading celebrity magazines. Years ago, I used to have a slight obsession with a particular celebrity gossip magazine. I would buy it on the day it came out and read it as I was eating my lunch. Such was my obsession, my colleagues knew not to disturb me when I was reading it. 

The main thing I enjoyed was the gossip because I’m naturally a bit of a curious person – some might call it being nosy. However, over time I started to become disillusioned with the fierce judgements being made about celebrities’ physical appearances.

It was only natural that if celebrities with their seemingly perfect bodies were being judged harshly that I would start to feel even worse about my own appearance. Once I made the connection between the negative talk about body image in the magazines and my deteriorating feelings towards my own body, I made the decision to stop reading the magazines.

It was a start but I knew that I needed to do more.

Rediscovering my love of swimming 

Many years ago, I was keen to find a form of exercise that I would enjoy and my mind kept returning to swimming which I had loved as a child. Luckily, one of my work pals went swimming most days before work so I was able to tag along with her.

It was amazing how quickly I started to feel better about myself. It turns out that swimmers are very chatty and welcoming so there was the added bonus of making new friends as well as improving my health and fitness.

In fact, it was at the swimming pool that I first met A.P. I figured that if he found me attractive after seeing me in a swimming costume, swimming hat and goggles, then he might be a keeper.

I got used to seeing all kinds of people at the swimming pool and being there reinforced the fact that bodies came in all shapes and sizes. Soon my confidence increased to the point where I would think nothing of standing chatting to someone whilst only wearing my swimming costume.

I built up a group of swimming pals where I didn’t know what some of them looked like in their clothes. When you get used to seeing people in goggles or without their glasses it can be quite funny to see them dressed in normal attire.

I didn’t recognise you with your clothes on!

I was at my work Christmas party one time when I saw a guy I knew vaguely from the swimming pool. We grinned widely at each other before announcing in unison, ‘I didn’t recognise you with your clothes on!’ 

The other partygoers looked bemused as we laughed heartily at our joke but it was true. We weren’t used to seeing each other out of context so it was always quite strange to see someone dressed up rather than in swimming gear with their wet hair plastered to their head.

As well as providing lots of sociable exchanges, swimming made a huge difference to my self image but there were still a few niggles that I needed to work through.

Let’s get naked!

Weirdly, although I haven’t always had the most positive thoughts towards my body, I was never one of those people that didn’t want to be naked in front of a partner. Naturally there were times when I felt more confident than others but generally, I was OK in that scenario. 

It was the thought of being naked in front of other people that made me really cringe. I was about to put that idea to the test.

I’d always loved the idea of skinny dipping. I wanted to feel the freedom of being naked in the water without some clinging nylon and polyester creation getting pulled down when diving into the water.

I was in my late thirties before I tried it. Prior to that I had been too scared of getting caught because I had always assumed it was illegal.

It turns out that there is a lot of confusion about the legalities of nudity in the UK. Like me, many people assume that it is illegal but in actual fact, it only becomes an offence if there is an intent to cause alarm or distress or to engage in disorderly or sexual behaviour.

I wasn’t keen on the idea of going somewhere that specifically catered for nudity, it felt a bit too organised. I imagined there would be people shouting, ‘Look at me, I’m naked!’ as they shimmied their bodies around in a vaguely disturbing manner. I’m sure it’s not actually like that but that was the image I had conjured in my mind.

So instead, I opted to go for a skinny dip in a very quiet loch in the north of Scotland. I didn’t want it to be obvious that I was swimming naked but unfortunately my body isn’t built for discretion. My generous proportions mean that my boobs float on top of the water like a pair of buoyancy aids, visible from over a mile away as they wait to rescue some poor soul lost at sea.

My first skinny dip was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. In some ways it felt like the most natural thing in the world and in other ways, I felt a sense of shame and embarrassment. 

Sadly, these are feelings that our society encourages.

Reassessing my ideas in Iceland

It was only when I went to Iceland on holiday that I saw how other cultures approach nudity. Many northern European countries are much more relaxed about nudity in public and appear to be less inhibited.

Whilst in Reykjavik I decided to visit the local swimming pool and to sample the famous hot water pools powered by geothermal energy. On entering the changing rooms, I was greeted by sight of a naked woman’s rear as she bent down to dry her feet, leaving everything exposed to anyone who walked through the door. 

I had never seen something so graphic in a public setting and it took me a while to adjust but by the end of the week I was happily getting naked too, albeit with the caveat that I took a little bit of care if I had to bend down. 

It was refreshing not worrying about what I looked like and being able to focus instead on anything and everything else. Worrying about our bodies has a tendency to make us quite insular.

It was an amazing trip, not just because Iceland is a spectacular country but also because I felt a bit better about my body afterwards. 

Unfortunately, it was difficult to hold on to that feeling after returning to the UK and its associated culture of unhealthy ideas about nudity.

The uncomfortable link between nudity and sex

‘You’re a pervert!’ 

This is a common insult given to someone who is naked in public. We’re not talking about being naked on the High Street or in a shop, this is an insult that has been thrown to people I know simply because they’ve swam naked in a river or walked naked along a quiet path in the countryside.

Where do we get the idea that being naked is perverted? I could understand if the naked person is engaging in some kind of lewd behaviour but are we so repressed that we think that the mere sight of a naked body will pervert us?

Perhaps the issue is that the overwhelming majority of times where we see other people’s naked bodies is on a screen in a film or TV show, usually as part of a sex scene. In this scenario, we generally only see one type of body which feeds into our feelings of inadequacy if we don’t match it.

The Victorian era called and they want their prudishness back

I can’t help but wonder if some of our cultural issues around nudity come from the Victorian era when the preferred image was one of being chaste and modest. High necklines were in vogue, ankles had to be covered and you daren’t discuss your undergarments because they were referred to as ‘unmentionables’.

It’s little wonder that we have some prudish ideas about nudity with this history. Some might scoff and say that the Victorian era was over a century ago so it doesn’t affect us any more. I disagree. 

My grandfather was mainly brought up by his grandparents who lived in the Victorian era so his upbringing was heavily influenced by Victorian attitudes. It stands to reason that he would have passed down some of his ideas to the following generations, even if it was somewhat diluted.

So if we combine some leftover ideas from the Victorian era together with the fact that we only generally see naked people simulating sex on TV or in porn, it seems unsurprising that we might have some unhealthy ideas about nudity.

My travels to other countries have shown me that there are plenty of other cultures where being naked doesn’t have to have a sexual undertone. It would be nice if we could adopt more of this relaxed attitude in the UK.

Being propositioned on a nudist beach

I was in Spain a couple of years ago and decided to visit the local nudist beach because whilst my body image had improved, I was still deeply uncomfortable with my belly. I had a variety of control swimwear which sucked in my belly to an almost painful degree but I realised that if I wanted to feel better about myself, I needed to stop hiding away.

A.P and I headed to the beach and we sat down and had a picnic, enjoying the soothing sound of the waves. After a while I became aware of someone sitting very close to us, wearing the universal disguise of a baseball cap, sunglasses and fake moustache. Actually, the moustache might have been real, I’m not sure.

He stayed close to us for a while, never quite looking directly at us. We had the sense that he was keen to engage with us but we ignored him and carried on eating our lunch. Eventually he moved on.

I should point out that he was fully clothed. For some reason, the idea of someone wearing a fake disguise on their head but not wearing anything else seems faintly ridiculous. This would be a funnier story if that had been the case.

An hour later, A.P quietly suggested to me that perhaps we should think about moving. I turned to look behind me and, less than two feet away from me, a man was standing looking away in an overly studious manner. I waited until he looked back at me and gave him what I intended to be a questioning stare but I suspect my overly expressive face turned it into a slightly sneering look of disbelief.

He quickly turned away again and as we gathered our belongings to leave, he left in the opposite direction. I immediately searched online to see if there was more of a story to the beach and it turned out to be a gay cruising spot. Apparently, the hook-up etiquette was to stand behind someone you found attractive but not engage in eye contact unless they said hello to you.

Good job, I wasn’t feeling my usual friendly self that day, otherwise who knows what kind of situation we could have ended up in.

It was so frustrating. There I was, sitting naked, being vulnerable and trying to break my own connections with nudity and sex when I ended up caught in some attempted hook-up.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

In the spirit of the W.C Fields quote, I decided to try again whenever it seemed that there was an opportunity to be naked on a beach in an appropriate and safe setting. Sometimes it worked well, other times not so much.

I was on a particularly quiet and fairly remote beach a couple of years ago with A.P. It was October so we hadn’t taken our swimming gear or towels, not expecting it to be warm enough for a swim. However, the weather was glorious and we decided to go in for a dip. In the absence of any swimming gear, we decided to swim naked. 

Whilst we were in the water, a couple appeared with their dog, walking along the beach. I was starting to get cold but I didn’t want to get out whilst the couple were there so I hung around in the water for a while longer. After an agonising minute or so whilst I became increasingly aware of the risk of hypothermia, they disappeared around the corner and I dashed out of the water onto the shingle, yelping in pain with every step on the sharp stones. 

Minutes later, A.P and I were sitting naked on the beach, letting the warm afternoon sun dry us off naturally when a young guy appeared from around the headland. He was soon followed by at least ten other young men. It turns out that they were from the local open prison and were out on a day trip as part of their rehabilitation.

I muttered some expletives as I quickly threw my dress over me whilst simultaneously trying to pull on my knickers without exposing myself. Not an easy task when you’re still damp and sticky from the salt water and your hands haven’t recovered from the cold.

I certainly experienced a rush of adrenaline that afternoon.

This was an experience that made me laugh but it highlighted the weirdness that we have around nudity.

I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable by being naked but equally, I don’t see an issue with it in certain settings. It’s nice to feel the elements on your skin and there can be a deeper connection to nature when you aren’t constrained by clothing.

As well as being helpful for connecting with nature, it is believed that there are other benefits of being naked including increased self esteem, better sleep and the potential to absorb more Vitamin D which can be inhibited by our clothing. It seems to me that perhaps we should be naked a lot more than we are.

We have created so many stories and dramas around our bodies but when you think about it, a body is just a mass of organs wrapped up in skin. Aside from the practicalities of protecting ourselves from the elements, why should it matter if they are covered in clothes or not? 

I’m still not fully comfortable with nudity and its various connotations but my experiences of being naked more often have helped to improve my body image.

My body may not fit in with society’s idea of a perfect body but for me, it’s invaluable and I am determined to love it no matter what.