Dozy Writes

I have been spending a lot more time on my own over the last week or so which is always an interesting experience for me. I enjoy being around people and I’m very sociable. I need time on my own to zone out but it can feel a bit odd after a couple of days if I don’t see anyone.

Those of you who know me will be familiar with the fact that I enjoy having a chat. Indeed, one of my pals used to joke that I am the type of person who could make friends in an empty room which isn’t too far from the truth.

In the past, I have had a hectic social life which usually involved me going to visit friends and family or hosting folk for dinner. By the time I added in a bit of barbering, it was unusual for me to have more than one evening a week to myself. 

A change of pace

That all changed when I stopped working. I found myself feeling exhausted and burnt out. I had taken on too many social projects which, together with an overly demanding job, meant that I was running on empty. I decided to take some time out to rebuild my energy. It wasn’t entirely a choice, I felt as if I was going to have some kind of manic episode if I didn’t stop at that point.

I spent the first 10 months of my career break just recuperating. Lots of fresh air, walking and catching up on years of sleep deficit. I could feel myself gradually coming out the other side but I still found it difficult to be around people. I had worked in HR for years and the cumulative effects of being a constant cheerleader, counsellor, and facilitator regardless of my own issues had taken their toll.

I became wary of spending too much time with other people as I was concerned about losing what little energy I had retrieved. I have always recognised that some people fill your cup and others empty it. Where before, I had freely given away my energy, I decided to conserve it, enjoying the feeling of a fuller cup.

I want to be alone

Over time, I became concerned that I was at risk of becoming some kind of Greta Garbo type figure, so I found myself jumping back into mass socialising but then having to impose strict quiet time afterwards as I recuperated from the draining experience.

Balance, it seems, is not something I am particularly attuned to. 

I recognised that it was important to spend time with those who fill your cup so I started trying to be more discerning in my social life and gradually reduced my contact with people who I found draining – the energy vampires of this world. 

If you are reading this and wondering if you are an energy vampire, it’s probably safe to assume that you aren’t because, in my experience, energy vampires don’t often stop to wonder about the effect that they have on others. 

Say no to vampire hunting

Before I continue, I would like to clarify that this post isn’t some kind of vampire hunt to identify who the energy vampires are. I am not Van Helsing in this story. I am merely pointing out that sometimes you have to recognise who is draining your energy and take remedial action.

It is important to further clarify that I don’t believe that energy vampires should be killed, particularly as I’m not sure that a plea of self-defence against boredom would hold up in a court of law.

I believe that there is rarely any malice intended from those who exhibit energy vampire traits, they are often just going through their own issues and haven’t understood the implicit contract where you share energy back and forth with each other rather than just hoovering up the other person’s energy. However, their lack of understanding of the positive energy exchange process doesn’t mean that you have to offer yourself up to be drained like some kind of energy martyr.

Can you ghost a vampire?

Of course, there are circumstances that are more difficult to navigate, particularly if the energy vampires in your life are family members or work colleagues. It is awkward to avoid a work colleague if your job requires you to interact with them. Similarly, it isn’t always possible to reduce contact with family members.

It is, however, possible to stop interacting in a way that encourages their feeding frenzy. After all, it takes two to interact. Imposing some boundaries can make a difference and hopefully allow you to hold on to some of your energy.

Side note: If you’re interested in seeing a hilarious depiction of an energy vampire in a feeding frenzy I would urge you to watch the TV series, What We Do In The Shadows. It is a genius piece of TV that I find hugely entertaining.

Another draining experience

Not all energy vampires appear in human form. I believe that the TV can be a type of energy vampire that can often drain our energy.  

This isn’t a new theory. Over the years there have been numerous pieces of research indicating that watching TV can have a detrimental effect on our brains. As a result, there have been many initiatives over the years to try and tear young people, in particular, away from the TV.

Why Don’t You…?

I remember watching the children’s TV series “Why Don’t You…?” in the 1980s which apparently had a more cumbersome title when it first aired in 1973 – “Why Don’t You Just Switch Off Your Television Set And Go Out And Do Something Less Boring Instead?”  Apparently, the Radio Times tried listing it under the snappier title of  “Wdyjsoytsagoadslbi” but I don’t think it caught on. Thankfully it was eventually shortened to “Why Don’t You…?”

My brother and I used to love watching “Why Don’t You…?”. We thought it was particularly hilarious to get up and switch the TV off as soon as the opening titles had finished. We were quite literal as children. We always switched it back on again though as we actually enjoyed watching it. We did, however, take on board the show’s message and we would soon be off playing, making something or riding our bikes.

Our TV viewing was restricted back in the 1980s, in part because there were only four channels to watch and we certainly didn’t want to watch the news. It’s much easier to strike a balance when it is imposed on you.

Changing habits

As I got older, I would often have the TV on in the background even if I wasn’t watching it and on the rare occasion that I switched it off, I could feel my brain relaxing, a sense of relief flowing over me similar to that experienced when a noisy bluebottle finally stops buzzing around your ear. Despite me noticing how nice it felt not to have the TV on, it didn’t always stop me from switching it on again but I began to become more aware of its effect. 

My TV viewing gradually reduced over time, particularly as my social life became busier. The big shift finally came four years ago when I realised that I rarely watched live TV anymore, opting mostly to stream programmes. There was no longer any need for me to own an actual TV. I am not one of those people that gets excited about ginormous TV screens, I’ve always found them a bit too intense.

Danger zone!

I soon settled into a new routine of streaming TV on my laptop, only watching shows that I was genuinely interested in. But a danger lay ahead – binge watching.

If there is ever a possibility of bingeing on something, I am usually at the front of the queue. Drinking, smoking, eating, jigsaw puzzling, crafting, music scenes… When I do something I like to get right into it so having an entire TV series available for me to stream whenever I want is not perhaps the best option for me. 

I try to restrict how many episodes of a TV show I will watch at a time but I do occasionally still get drawn in and before I know it – Boom! 10 episodes have gone by and I haven’t even paid much attention to them. I end up feeling groggy and drained, as if I’ve got a hangover. It comes as no surprise that TV viewing has often been referred to as “the opiate of the people”, a spin on the famous Karl Marx quote about religion. It has also been referred to as The Plug-In Drug by Marie Winn, an author who coined the term back in 1977 when she wrote a book about the danger of watching too much TV.

An interesting revelation

So imagine my surprise when I realised the other day that, with the exception of one solitary programme about leopards, I haven’t watched TV for eight weeks and the difference in my creativity is astounding. I haven’t had all of the energy zapped from my body and instead, I have been able to focus on writing. Yes, OK, I will admit that I have probably spent longer watching cat and dog videos on social media over the last few weeks but overall, my viewing habits are less.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love watching TV and I think there is some excellent content out there. I’ve just realised that, for me, I feel better when I limit my intake. 

Thankfully, reading books doesn’t seem to have the same draining effect. I find it a much more calming and peaceful experience and there are studies to suggest that reading can actually reduce your cortisol levels so my storytelling needs can still be met.

My Kindle is delighted with our renewed relationship and apparently I’m earning all kinds of achievements for the amount that I’m reading which is a disturbing concept but that’s a separate post for another time.

Please be assured that this post is not about judging any of you. However you choose to spend your downtime is your choice. I just wanted to share how I recognised the energy vampires in my life.

I’m going to leave you with a little poem that I wrote about the energy vampires that appear in human form.

A poem

They call them the energy vampires

I’m sure there is one in your street

They love to complain

As your soul they do drain

Devouring their special treat

It starts with a very sad story

They tell you to draw you in

Your sympathy and sadness

Feed into their madness

And so the cycle begins

All things become all about them

They are the centre on earth

They always want more

They drill to your core

Draining for all of your worth

They cry and they wail how unfair

The world has been unto them

“Why me?” is the rant

“Poor me!” is the chant

“Why has this happened again?”

And soon you begin to notice

Their presence does tire and exhaust

Your life force is drained

You start to feel strained

This friendship comes at a cost

And so they continue their feeding

Sucking and draining your strength

Your emotions seesaw

You start to withdraw

Keeping them at arm’s length

But don’t think that this may be over

That their misery you can escape

For they know how to cling

To the strength that you bring

For their ego it does inflate

They need to continue this frenzy

Their desire for you like a drug

You get in a flap

Try fleeing their trap

But their hold is remarkably snug

Only one way remains to escape

The pressure of their fixation

Cut all your ties

Pretend you have died

And go on a long vacation

And after a year or two

This nonsense should all be done

But if they come back

And look set to attack

Just turn on your heels and run